I am quite disappointed with myself for letting things get a little off-track in what I originally intended this blog site to be all about. My intention was that it was mainly to be a clearing house for what goes on inside my head. A sort of record of the things that occupy my attention or even perhaps of my subconscious, if it were possible to tease such muses out from the murky depths in which they dwell and induce them to be transcribed into prose.
So why hasn't that happened? It is not for a shortage of material by any means. I mostly find it difficult to keep up with the pace at which my thoughts are generated, progress, momentarily coalesce and dissipate, or more often than not, instantly diverge onto some other track as a result of some sensory stimulus (visual, auditory, olfactory etc.), or perhaps through the random firing or etheric incitement of some backwater synapses at some time linked to an ancient memory.
It has often been the case that I have had (conjured, cajoled, dreamed, or received from the ether) a thought that I considered worthy of dwelling on and developing during those moments of being in the state half asleep - half awake, that occur just before rising for the day while gazing through eyes half opened at the ceiling or, recently, at the tree line on the ridge of the gully high above me as it appears between the gaps in the venetians covering my bedroom window, and also in many other settings at this time of day throughout my life.
No. No. I can tell what you are thinking. "Why don't you write the bloody thing down straight away". If it were that simple, don't you think I have enough nouse to have walked that road years ago? Not an option. Even if I were so organised that I would prepare pen and paper in a handy location beforehand in anticipation. Especially these days when, after thirty two years of banging keyboards, I find it a daunting task to decipher my own handwriting unless it is produced so slowly and carefully that any self-respecting thought would not hang around to witness the event.
I will just have to learn to live with the unfulfilled realisation that I could have saved the world many times over if only I had the capacity to hold onto the answer without distraction.
We have of course covered only one small part of the day. Thoughts arise continually and I do spend some time, occasionally too much time, sitting in front of my computer, where I have caught myself in a state of contemplation on some occasions, staring at the screen. Productive time. Thinking time. Often leading to fruitful research. So maybe I don't need to beat myself around the head too much. Just need to get it together and record stuff a bit more than I have done in the past.
I have sometimes thought that I should consistently dedicate a particular time every day to writing about my thoughts but that doesn't really work. Apart from the fact that this would require a certain level of order to my day, something that I naturally shy away from, the process of inspiration demands a level of spontaneity. Spontaneity is my friend and an arch-enemy of order and time keeping. I have spent too many years leading an ordered life, ruled by the clock. No more, good friend, no more. Oh dear, I shall just have to give myself a 'Must try harder' report card and resolve to do just that in future.
There, that feels better. Now that I have gotten all this off my chest I can, with a clear conscience, go back to playing Civ5, my current drug of choice for occupying my mental capacities (and soothing me with a very relaxing soundtrack) and acting as a tap to turn off or exclude all those irritating thoughts that would otherwise flood into my consciousness, for a while.
But I do promise, before I go, that I will endeavour as often as possible to put into writing here such ideas as I can muster from time to time.